need another drink. this is the easiest way
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
