All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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