Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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