I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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