toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize