I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
