They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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