Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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