I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
