I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
