come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
