i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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