NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
