Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
