my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im holly from the hills drunk
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Randomize
