Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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