I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
