I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
