He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My vagina is very pro this idea
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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