Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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