Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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