It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
