found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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