Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize