the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
