TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
