? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
