Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is Oprah even human
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
