wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize