I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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