All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's always time for handjobs
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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