Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
