He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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