this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize