My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize