im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
