this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
