Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no, he came in my armpit
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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