If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
