i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
