yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
