im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
