It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
