How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
