I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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