My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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