Christians are straight up FREAKS
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize