Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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