hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
