She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He has the fingertips of a God
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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