Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
