My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
