Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
