Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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