She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
