I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
