I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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