help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
