I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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