Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
