woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
