Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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