I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
