Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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