The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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