I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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