Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
