lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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