That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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