We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
