i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
