the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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