So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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