Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we're making bets on your personal life
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
