is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
