omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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