My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
