I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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