My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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