just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
