somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
