I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
