I'm lost and stupid without you.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
