why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
