I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
