awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize