i already hear my dad disowning me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
