I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize