wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
