Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
