i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
