What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
