the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
be right there i have to get my cape
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
