Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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