I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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