If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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