I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
