my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
