Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
