Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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