I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she told me i tasted like america
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
