3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
