i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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